by Nicky Martin

Each time I wake up in the morning, I have the same 3 or 4 thoughts that I’ve had ever since I can remember.  I literally have to work them out of my mind before I can put on the face of the person I think I am, and who my family and the world expects!  In addition, in between the first thought and my first sip of mandatory Earl Grey tea, I have had around 1000 other voices, thoughts, emotions, opinions, input, & suggestions on those very first thoughts! 
I am considered by the outside world to be upstanding, to be compassionate, to possess high integrity, to be safe and reliable, and to fulfill the role of a hospice nurse as well as a mother, and much more!  As I was going through a day in my life in the recent past, it occurred to me that a lot of emotions, questions, & feelings were running around in my head and I stopped to ponder how many were actually mine; past, present, or future?  My question is:   “Does anybody else ever wonder who is doing the thinking and where do all our thoughts come from?”

I do hope I am not alone in this!!   MY thoughts have a general theme and it is usually a self- loathing pattern (largely dependent on what I have eaten the day before).  Typically, I will be more in control of my swirling emotions the less I have eaten previously.  The ‘me’ that comes after the first sip of Earl Grey tea is normally funny, kind, and rational (after I’ve had a chance to get over my Ego).  As per usual, I talk to my higher levels about how I can emanate love and assistance throughout the day.  But what about the thoughts that consistently remain just under the surface of the positive ones we are trained to focus on?  The ones that you try to push down, the ones you’re secretly ashamed to think, and also the ones that have been with you so long, you don’t even realize you have them so often?

When I was a young adult, if I had eaten too much I felt so fat and repulsive I had to phone in sick to work.  If I could quantify the personality of my thoughts back then, it would be that there had been ‘meanness’ attached to my thoughts. If ever I had to do something I deemed as stressful, there was ‘terror’, sheer terror.  Where and how had this developed?

I have tried positive thinking, shamanism and meditation, read every book on the planet, and tried every little trick in the book over my 57 years to discover why these thoughts appear and re-appear.  I have spent thousands of dollars on workshops, private therapy, (keep reading-there is hope!) and also deferring my authority to someone else!  I used to imagine that if only I just cared more, or was a better mother, nurse, etc. maybe I could be better than what my thoughts inside told me?

As humans, naturally we are involved in the frenetic thoughts and dramas of those around us, and we ASSUME a lot of it is ours, taking on emotions and feelings that aren’t.  Have you ever wondered how much thought programming enters our minds daily; culturally, from mass media, and from peer pressure?

From this, I believe I have to have a clean house, sustain a perfect marriage, work full time, enjoy sex at least 50 times a week, attend all my kids sports and school functions, eat my five fruits and vegetables, exercise, contribute to society, recycle, compost, and PRAY for everyone.  Oh yes, and be totally compassionate to everyone even if they are behaving badly!! Let’s not forget to donate to every cause on the planet and always have a positive attitude.  Will there come a day when it’s all too much?  Will I have a Psychiatrist complete behaviour modification, or conveniently diagnose me with ADHD, OCD, PTS, or PHD with honours in lunacy?

It all sounds so easy to just say goodbye to these thoughts that haunt us.  Simply putting your ego aside I know for most of us it is NOT easy.   I defy anyone who says “just calm your mind and take responsibility for your thoughts”.

Thankfully, after much exploration over my adolescence, adulthood, motherhood, nursing career, and of my beloved patients, children, and friends, I realized that these thoughts and incumbent emotions were in the mass consciousness thought form.   They were very real phantoms, deities, voices from past lives, from childhood, & from our family monads.  They chose a safe little place in our cosy sub-conscious minds (as of course we are all so accommodating), but they are actually stuck in the astral planes of consciousness needing to make a full transition back from where they came. These are outdated learned beliefs, invalid assumptions, cultural programming passed down through genetics, and also adopted safety patterns, as it were, defence mechanisms to survive life.

I found out that there is a way to go direct; to move beyond the mind which is actually outside of us.  In the last months something has shifted.  I’ve decided to stay on the planet (perhaps I’m crazy) and taken the big step of welcoming the truth of who I really am.  I really had to ‘leap’ out of my comfort zone in voicing some very private, painful, and anguishing personal history with a very dear friend.

What he sees is complete clarity from a Universalis state of consciousness.  He has guided me to welcome in everything at its highest level of clarity, in its light realms (my BIG GUNS), which is actually total neutrality and love. Our guides want so much to play with us and carry all that we have so beautifully been carrying for humanity. The heart is neutral.  From childhood, I had adopted all these precious gifts of awareness to absolutely help me survive; they helped me to challenge the distracting thoughts beliefs, voices, deities etc. 

My friend stresses we are ALL on our own journeys, eventually to lead to the marriage of our higher and lower selves and to the complete dissolving of the ego. No one will be left out; everyone is currently trying to wake themselves up.  I have realized that I am different, but so are all of you; let’s celebrate it!!  Honour that you are brilliant, wacky (it is OK not to agree) but try not get hooked in (and I mean HOOKED) by the mass consciousness. Everybody is trying to stay grounded during these planetary shifts.

Integrity is coming out the fore in all areas and your job is to honour yourself and to be willing to let all that was be DONE and all that truly IS amplify over time. And I am not longer taking the scenic route, but will assist anyone.  Go forward confidently to where you are best aligned, and I will go where I best complement; find where that is for YOU. 

For myself in the past, physically I used to get a complete restriction and fearful dread in my lower abdomen, with thoughts just running rampant when I encountered something that was dangerous or out of integrity. I had not paid attention to this in the past and usually told myself to get over it, or grow up, or work harder etc... I now realise my thoughts were not aligned to my best complementary arena or relationship.  You will have your own barometer, but it’s important to pay attention to the signs it gives out.  The sub-psychic mind level of consciousness is still trying to grab on and run the show; be willing to be courageous, and keep your humour.  Honour yourself and others, meet them where they are at, without agenda.  Try to see beyond the behaviours at the soul behind.  This has saved my life.  ENJOY your BEAUTY. Namaste!

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